The Divide Between Ourselves and Us

This week, we look at a quote from Petri Räisänen, a Yoga teacher and influential author from that is part of the lineage of Ashtanga Yoga. The quote is, “When you listen to yourself, everything comes naturally. It comes from inside, like a kind of will to do something. Try to be sensitive. That is yoga.”

Throughout our lives, there are consistent things that teach us to second guess ourselves. Whether that be judgement, relationships with others, our environment, and everything that we constantly see. By the time we reach adulthood, we have all of these ideas about ourselves, all these perceptions of how we fit into the world and our worth. I don't think I'm alone when I say that I am on a journey of learning how to trust, respect, and value myself. All of these things that we endure throughout our lives cause a wedge in between us, and our inner self.

To be vulnerable with you, I have been a person to self-harm in many ways. To exercise until passing out, to stop myself from eating the foods I crave, to drink alcohol until my brain shuts off, etc(there is a long list). In adolescence and the first years of adulthood, I was not kind to myself. I would even say that I was my own bully, and in so many ways, I was furthering that divide between me and myself. I think back to the times where I felt pain in ways that I couldn't explain and I took that pain out on my own body and mind. I wasn't valuing myself. I feel like a big sister or a mother to that person, even though that was the child version of who I am now. Reminding myself that my inner child is within me, gives me the ability to offer healing to her.

Now, being here in my healing journey, learning how to fall in love with myself and get rid of those judgments, those negative perceptions still creep in from time to time. That is when in those moments of self-doubt, I turn to myself, and my Yoga practice. We all have more power and knowledge than we are aware of. Our bodies and our minds have the ability to do so many things. All the processes that keep us alive are profound, not to mention everything else we are able to do beyond that.

When I learned to look inward and block out the rest, that is when I found myself. That is when I started to, little by little, trust myself. I started to be a little kinder, speak a little softer, and show more patience to myself. I was always taught to be kind, but I never connected the idea that kindness should not only extend to those around us, but to ourselves. It's okay to be sensitive to ourselves. It's okay to have softness. We have all been through so much, living in this moment of time alone, not to mention the individual paths and traumas that are unique to each of our experiences. Finding softness after that? Being able to be vulnerable, and sensitive, and kind to ourselves? That is a disruption of what we've been taught. All the messages aimed to create a divide between us and ourselves.. it's hard for those to be powerful when we value and respect ourselves. When we listen and validate ourselves, we rid others, and the world around us of the power to make us feel less than.

“When you listen to yourself, everything comes naturally. It comes from inside, like a kind of will to do something. Try to be sensitive. That is yoga.”